"Do you know how much I love you? I love you more than everything.

In an effort to be fully transparent before you continue reading, I have to admit that I'm in love with Timothée Chalamet... As in love as anyone can be with a person that they've never met (yet!). 

It's a love that grew out of my fascination with his character in Call Me By Your Name. Timothée's turn as Elio, the lovelorn teenage protagonist in André Aciman's story, was engrossing and haunting. That performance still haunts me tbh. Since then I have embarked on a journey to cyberstalking him on Instagram watch all his films.

Last night, I watched him play the role of a drug-addicted kid in Beautiful Boy. The film, based on the memoirs of both David Sheff (the father) and Nic Sheff (son/addict), is a gripping story of how addiction ruins lives and families-- told from alternating points of view. Timothée descent into addition is breathtakingly wrenching to watch in the best ways. So mush so that he is currently nominated for a Golden Globe, a BAFTA, a SAG, and a Critics' Choice Award, all for Best Supporting Actor. All immensely well-deserved.

Steve Carell in this film is a different story.

Before you continue reading further, you should know that I also love Steve. I've been a big fan of his since The Daily Show. I quote him from The 40 Year Old Virgin constantly ("Feels like a bag of sand..."). And that's to say nothing about the cultural icon that he created in Michael Scott. He writes the rules in the comedy game.

That said though, his range when it comes to drama is plain limited. He was a complete misfire in Beautiful Boy. Given that the main thrust of the film is the emotional toll of being the loving father of an addict, Carrel never raises to the rawness that such a role demands. He's almost robotic; cry now, hug now, be angry now. What's more, he had no chemistry with Timothée. (As Ursula would put it) Zip!

I hate to pigeonhole the actors I like to type. Funny people should do dramatic roles and vice versa. Dramatic actors should be funny (except Nicole Kidman. No one wants to see Bewitched 2).

I think the standard-bearer of poignant/funny actors was Robin Williams. There is no disputing that he was a king of comedy. But it's when he was serious or sad as a funny guy that I think he really shined. Refer to Mrs. Doubtfire, Hook, or Patch Adams to name a few. Even the Genie's final seen in Aladdin packs an animated emotional punch.

I don't really know what my point in all this is. I think I just needed to rant. Timothée, I love you in all ways. Steve, I love you in different ways.

Beautiful Boy is available now on Amazon Prime.

"It's not the song, it's the singing'. It's the heaven of the human spirit ringin'..."

Sometimes the only real way to move forward is to let go of the past holding you back. I don't mean forgiving and forgetting (I'm too petty for that) or to disassociate yourself from meaningful things in your history. Quite the opposite.

It's important to reflect upon the lessons it taught you. To remember it with kindness (if you can) and THEN kiss it goodbye.

The problem for me is that I've never (in my whole life!) been good at goodbyes. Old toys, old clothes, old boyfriends... I hang on to everything and everyone. It's a compulsion I suppose. A manifestation of some childhood trauma that I have yet to pinpoint and analyze. But at any rate, goodbyes are not my forte.

However, tonight I'm saying an important and very necessary goodbye.  As of this writing, I have decided to shut down The Jerry Curl. 

Started in 2007, that blog saw me through both the happiest and darkest times of my life. I began running it as a means of filling "the endless hours I [spent] wasting away at my dead-end job." But it was also a place where I documented important moments in my life... in a way preserving them for future reference. 

But life happens. And distractions do their deeds. And soon The Jerry Curl started to feel less like an outlet and more like a burden. Worst yet, it became a painful reminder of what I wasn't doing anymore... writing. 

I didn't know how to evolve The Jerry Curl beyond what I had created it to be and therefore stopped going to it with new material. I outgrew the sandbox. But having a hard time letting go as I do, I didn't. I kept trying to reignite the flame on a spent candle.

But tonight, alone with my dogs, looking out my window onto the South Hills of Pittsburgh/nowhere, I realized that it was time... Time to reflect upon the lessons it taught me. To remember it with kindness because I can. And kiss it goodbye.

The Jerry Curl

September 27, 2007 - January 2, 2019